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A bold outfit is more than just a look—it’s an entrance.

Have you ever done something totally out of the blue—like complimented a stranger’s earrings, showed up to an event in something loud and colorful, or broke out into song at your job—and noticed how it made people perk up, laugh, or just remember you? That’s not just charisma. That’s psychology. And I live for it.

I use something called Expectancy Violation Theory (or EVT) every single day to stand out in a sea of sameness. Whether I’m trying to make a new friend, increase my tips as a waitress, catch attention with a killer outfit, or grow my personal brand online, I lean into being a little unpredictable. And honestly? It works.

Let’s break down what EVT is and how I use it to turn heads—in the best way.

So… What Is Expectancy Violation Theory?

Expectancy Violation Theory comes from the world of communication studies. It basically says people have certain expectations about how others will behave in social situations. When someone violates those expectations—in a positive way—it creates surprise, interest, and a stronger reaction.

It’s not about being rude or chaotic. It’s about knowing the “script” and choosing to flip it. The violation catches attention, and if the reaction is good, it leaves a lasting impression. Whether that’s in a conversation, an outfit, or your social media bio, you’re suddenly more memorable.

Want the academic breakdown? Here’s a helpful Expectancy Violation Theory explainer.

Making Friends by Being Unexpected

When I first moved to a new city, I had no built-in friend group. Most people would suggest “laying low” or “feeling things out,” but I did the opposite. I started conversations with strangers, complimented people I barely knew, and asked bold, unexpected questions.

Like one night at a party, I told a girl, “You give off major ‘knows-the-best-brunch-spots’ energy—what’s your top three?” She burst out laughing, and we ended up talking for an hour. That interaction was an expectancy violation. She expected a generic “What do you do?” but got playful confidence instead.

By stepping outside of what’s typical, I’ve been able to make fast, genuine connections. People are drawn to surprise—especially when it feels fun and real.

Better Tips Start with Breaking the Mold

Let’s talk about work for a sec. I waitress a few nights a week, and I’ve learned that the way you interact with customers can make or break your tips. Most people expect servers to be polite, efficient, and kind of forgettable. So I don’t act like that.

If I see a table with someone wearing a cool band tee or a funny hat, I comment on it. If a kid’s being fussy, I’ll do a silly voice or bring over extra crayons. And if it’s someone’s birthday, I’ll sing—loudly and off-key on purpose. They laugh. They tip more.

One time a couple told me, “You were honestly the best part of our night.” And I swear it’s not because I’m the best waitress in town—it’s because I’m the most unexpected.

EVT isn’t manipulation. It’s about creating positive moments that surprise people—and those moments pay off.

Outfits That Start Conversations (And Build a Brand)

If you’ve ever seen me walking into a classroom or coffee shop, you probably noticed I don’t dress… normally. I love fashion that talks back—conversation pieces, vintage finds, and outfits that make people curious.

Once, I wore a purse shaped like a milk carton to a gallery show. Everyone else was in sleek black, but I showed up looking like a walking Pop-Tart. I got stopped five times for photos, and a local magazine even featured my look in their street-style section.

People expect neutral tones, safe pieces, and invisible vibes. I serve color, character, and confidence—and people remember it. That’s EVT in fabric form.

More importantly, my outfits help market me. They tell people that I’m bold, a little playful, and unafraid to stand out—which is exactly how I want my personal brand to feel.

Using EVT to Market Myself and My Brand

Now let’s talk strategy. I’m working on building a personal and business brands focused on fashion, lifestyle, and marketing. In a world where everyone is copying TikTok trends and reposting the same Instagram quotes, I try to shake things up.

I use EVT in my:

• Bios: “Waitress by night, brand-builder by brunch.” People stop and smile.
  
• Posts: Unexpected combos—like pairing an outfit pic with a spicy opinion or a funny dance video with a real-talk caption.
  
• Reels: I add surprise transitions, break the fourth wall, or talk like I’m FaceTiming a friend instead of just “presenting.”
  

When people see my content, I want them to say, “Wait, who is this girl?” That moment of curiosity is the first spark of engagement—and it starts with breaking expectations.

Be Unexpected, But Be You

One last thing: using EVT doesn’t mean being weird just to be weird. People can tell when it’s fake. The key is to understand what people expect from someone like you—and then twist it in a way that’s still true to your vibe.

I’m not shocking people to be edgy. I’m just turning up the volume on who I really am.

Whether it’s striking up a conversation, making a customer laugh, or choosing an outfit that starts a dialogue, I use EVT to connect, stand out, and build something memorable. It’s not just a theory—it’s a toolkit for everyday life.

So go ahead. Break the script. Be loud. Be soft. Be smart. Be funny. Just be you, but turned up one extra notch.

That’s where the magic is.